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WHY?
I am asked by almost everyone why I am working so hard with LoveCry for absolutely no cash rewards, taking non-stop persecution
from Social Services, Children's Aid Society, and City Council.
Below is the main reason. I pray daily that no one ever again has to be afraid to disclose.
Still to this day, the year 2005 our authorities are not truly listening.
LoveCry is dealing with many cases that involve situations such as the one below, Working always to bring any abuse to the
forefront to help heal the family unit.
Abuse in all forms is everywhere, all anyone needs to do is look around to see the devastation from abuse and the closed minds
that abuse us in order to keep abuse secret!
The Catholic and many other Churches, Children's Aid Societies, Hospital Staff, School Staff are all working hard to keep
abuse under the rug.
LoveCry right has been helping a Mother (Heather) help her Daughter (Cindy a very young child) report and get help for being
sexually, emotionally, psychic and physically abused to both the Police and The Catholic Children's Aid Society.
Heather took Cindy to The Hinks Clinic (a child Psychology Clinic in Toronto) to have an evaluation done and it was told to
him that all parties involved need to receive therapy. Still the authorities will not budge.
Cindy even had to lay charges of assault on the same person that Cindy says abused her, the Judge ordered this person into
therapy but even that order has been ignored by the person in question.
LoveCrys main reason for being is to help this problem be solved and encourage others to stand up to the plate.
Abuse is the reason we have children living on our streets.
Angel
The Devastation of Disclosing Sexual Abuse?
By Angel Femia
Of LoveCry
Reactions to a story of sexual abuse, may have a great deal to do with holding onto that guilt, shame, pain, blocking the
memories or enhancing, {in overly dramatic detail, repeatedly driving you out of your mind} and forcing these memories to
surface.
Many parents find it just far too hard to believe something of such a nature could happen to their child and deny the entire
situation and others have not yet faced their own childhood sexual abuses issues therefore are in denial and will not believe
it happened to anyone let alone their own child.
Some people can and do sometimes become quite extreme with these reactions:
I was three years old when I tried to tell my Mother that her brother, (my uncle) hurt me and how. Mom was very angry within
a few seconds of my disclosure. As soon as mom realized what I was trying to say to her she became horrified, as anyone would
have at that time of our world. It was 1956 and back then no one disclosed things like family rape, molestation or even physical
beatings. It was just accepted, placed neatly under the rugs and forgot about.
I was only three years old and could barley talk, so finding the right words to describe the situation was not easy but I
was able to tell her that it hurt and where. I was also able to describe the huge knife he threatened me with, the scary way
he talked and that he stuffed something into my mouth and I was getting sick from it.
Mom was angry within seconds and wanted to get me out of her site completely. I remember her slapping me across the face and
telling me never to talk that way again. The horror on her face scared and hurt me more then the actual physical slap had.
I was utterly devastated. I ran to the closet and hid in it for what seemed to be hours until my sister Christine herd me
weeping and dragged me out of the closet, held me and rocked me until I could stop sobbing. You see Christine had witnessed
my uncle sexually abusing me and he had done the similar to her as well but she never spoke until she and I talked about it
once I was less emotional. My sister and I kept our secret for many years after that incident.
Later that day Mom came to me and told me that I should never lie like that again. My mother denied everything I had said.
She accused me of making up the entire story. I once again became hysterical immediately. Adding to this, her idealistic
view of my uncle {my perpetrator}, was that he was such a good person, had kids of his own and would never even as much as
think of sexually touching me or any child.
At the age of three no child could not have invented such a story, (back then in 1956, even the Playboy Magazines were kept
hidden very well, sex was still an silent subject} therefore in order to calm me down my mother began to brainwashed me into
believing this ugly occurrence was no more then a very horrible nightmare.
I was so young, and needed to trust my mother so I bought her entire scam with little question. For many years I suffered
horridly because of this misplaced trust.
It has taken me most of my life to rid myself of the guilt I carried around inside myself from not being able to believe in
or trust myself due to believing my mothers lies, {I was brainwashed into believing}, as opposed to the devastating reality
of the situation. Guilt, a small child could not have created for herself, as three years old is just far too young to be
thinking of having sex with anyone.
When I grew up I realized that my Mother’s reactions showed the devastating fears she held inside. The situation I had
just described to my Mother tapped her personal issues that she had never exposed to anyone. Of course, being only three years
old I did not understand that.
Most of my young years (between the ages of 9 and 26) I spent in and out of hospitals, with doctors trying to find answers.
At 12 I was given my first downer and shortly afterwards my first painkiller. These became my best friends and I was addicted
to them before I was 16 years old. I was subjected to testing of all kinds, addicted to over thirty different medications
for depression, chemical imbalances, emotional disorders and pain, none of which worked.
All the medications, shock therapy and other treatments only made things worse. My doctors worked relentlessly to find answers
but due to the deceit and hidden truths about my sexual abuses they could find no answers at all. I only pray that today we
can be more open and honest with our medics and help them to find the real answers.
Below are the major effects due to sexual abuse and the effects from deceit and denial of these hideous invasions.
The effects from sexual abuse and improper treatment during disclosure of childhood sexual assault are:
Severe depression, no self-esteem, fear, frigidity, shame, guilt, self-remorse, self-hatred, self-loathing, total self-destruction,
and sometimes suicide.
The Emotional Illnesses from sexual abuse and improper treatment during disclosure of childhood sexual assault are:
Manic Depression, bi-polar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, attention deficit hyper disorder, attention deficit disorder,
paranoid schizophrenia, sociopathic tendencies, pathological liar syndrome, neurotic emotional behavior, sadism, masochism
and more.
The physical effects from these emotional illnesses caused by sexual abuse and improper treatment during disclosure of sexual
abuse issues:
Hypochondria, migraine headaches, stomach disorders, anxiety attacks, asthma attacks, lower back pain and degeneration, chronic
fatigue, fibromialga, {aching, painful muscle and joints},
Below are some questions sent to me on the Internet by friends:
If you are a sexual abuse survivor and would like to see clearly who is really responsible for the abuse you suffered, as
opposed to blaming yourself {as most of us often do}, then ask yourself and answer the questions listed below.
Please use “yes” or “no” answers only.
If you told your parent or authority figure about the abuse, did they believe you?
Did they call you a liar?
Did they try to help you change your story?
Did they pretend it was something other then what it was such as a nightmare?
Did they advise or threaten you into suppressing the event in shame?
Did they report the abuse to the proper authorities?
If you or someone you know report the abuse to the proper authorities, did your parents back you up or lie to cover up dirty
family secrets?
Did they pretend that it didn’t happen?
Did they remove the perpetrator from the home?
Did they stay with the perpetrator?
Did they support you emotionally by validating your feelings?
Did they reject you or abandon you emotionally?
Did they place the blame on the perpetrator?
Did they blame you?
Did they get angry with the perpetrator?
Did they get angry with you?
Once they knew, did they protect you from the perpetrator?
Did they know about the abuse and do nothing?
No matter what your circumstances, or how the abuse was handled, you did nothing wrong. Placing the blame on the one, who
perpetrated the abuse, is necessary for your healing.
If you find yourself feeling guilty ashamed, self-destructed or self-hatred find a picture of yourself at or close to the
age you were when the abuse occurred and put it where you can see it often to remind yourself how vulnerable and innocent
you were. That child, that beautiful little child, only wanted to be loved, cared for and safe. The adults failed the child,
most likely because they were failed themselves by their caregivers.
You are not to blame!
No child is ever to blame for sexual abuse, the emotional and mental illnesses that are caused by this abuse, or any action
perpetrated by any adult.
Please think about this:
When children that don’t get proper help for abuse, they most times end up running to the streets, they still don’t
get the help needed and become adults living on the streets. There are quite a few people still on the streets that were living
on the streets when I was during 1981-1984.
I was lucky blessed enough to find some help and get my act a little more together, they have not.
The Writing Below Means:
FORGIVNESS
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